


The Minecrafts Family

by Tangerinetoad



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Addams Family Fusion, Attempted Murder, But in a friendly way, Crack Treated Seriously, Extended Families, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, First Day of School, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, No Angst, always use that tag, imagine the addams in public school, yeaahhh dude its the addams family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29506767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tangerinetoad/pseuds/Tangerinetoad
Summary: “Ah! Nice try Techno, but put it away now, you know you only get one assassination attempt before school.” Phil said, appearing out of the kitchen with a bowl for Tommy. “Has anyone seen Cousin Ranboo this morning?”“Probably forgot where we live again, I think I saw him taking a midnight stroll last night.” Tubbo answered, spooning his oatmeal into his mouth as fast as he could.~~It's SBI + Tubbo but they're the Addams family, and it's their first day of school ft. Cousins Ranboo, Dream, George, and Sapnap.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Everyone is FamILY - Relationship, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, all platonic bith, mwahhaha the relationship tags are getting so long
Comments: 7
Kudos: 140





	The Minecrafts Family

**Author's Note:**

> Literally, what. I had this idea on Valentines. Fair warning, I am american and also never actually went to public school so.. hopefully the school scenes make sense?? Incredibly ooc because ha
> 
> I hope it's clear i am only ever writing about the characters, never the cc. 
> 
> TW// ok this is an Addams family au so it has like attempted murder, knives, nooses, talk of poison.. but all friendly. Go watch Addams family.

Tommy is ready for school. He has his favorite knife, several bottles of Wilbur’s special poison (stolen from Wilbur’s room while he was trying to hang his guitar so it could feel what he felt or whatever) and Tubbo. That’s pretty much all he expects he’ll need for his first foray into public schooling. All the other kids will obviously love him and immediately want to be friends. Maybe he’ll even follow in Wilbur and Techno’s footsteps and start a cult! Oh that would be great, he could brag for a week.  
  
Downstairs, he can hear the rest of the family getting ready, the familiar shrieks that come from whoever Techno’s decided will be his first victim of the day. From the sound of it, he’s chosen Wilbur for today. What a pleasant start to the morning.  
  
Tommy joins the group just in time to watch Techno attempt to take Wilbur’s head off with the family battle-axe. He just barely missed, sparing Tubbo’s bowl of oatmeal from having a bloody topping.  
  
“Ah! Nice try Techno, but put it away now, you know you only get one assassination attempt before school.” Phil said, appearing out of the kitchen with a bowl for Tommy. “Has anyone seen Cousin Ranboo this morning?”  
  
“Probably forgot where we live again, I think I saw him taking a midnight stroll last night.” Tubbo answered, spooning his oatmeal into his mouth as fast as he could.  
  
Tommy took his method a step farther and started drinking his straight from the bowl. As soon as the last drop was gone, he wiped his face with a sleeve, sticking his tongue out when Techno said ew, and darted for the door.  
  
Phil caught him by the collar before he made it, smiling at him. “Excited for school then mate? Remember what I said, no death while you’re at school. Some of the people are a little different, so be nice.”  
  
Tommy nodded his head rapidly, already half wiggled out of his shirt when Phil let go. He shrugged it back into place, and then was off like a shot, Tubbo trailing behind with a wave to the table.  
  
“If you happen to see Cousin Ranboo, do remind him that he lives here. I’d hate to have to get him from the pound again, you know how embarrassed he gets.”  
  
“Will do, see you later! Don’t give Schlatt a heart attack without us!” Wilbur and Techno waved as they followed the younger boys out.  
  
Phil relaxed in his chair, blowing on his hot cup of nightshade tea. Perfect way to start a morning.  
  
“Hello? Can someone let me out of this closet?” a voice called out from the foyer.  
  
“Oh shit Cousin Ranboo-”  


~~

Outside, on the strikingly yellow bus, Tommy sat beside Tubbo, excitedly chattering away about their plans for the day. Two rows behind them sat Techno and Wilbur, doing their creepy twin telepathy thing. No one was sure if they could actually read each other's minds, but it sure seemed like it.  
  
“Look, the freaks have multiplied!” a shrill voice said.  
  
Tommy looked up, instantly narrowing in on a small boy sitting across the aisle from them. “Freaks? Where? My other cousin is a freak you know, not Cousin Ranboo, Cousin Dream, he’s all like blobey and slimy? And one time I asked him why but he just said ‘kid, do I ask why your hair is so yellow? No, so don’t ask me why I’m a blob’ and then he went off and invited Wilby and Tech to his manhunt, which I thought was unfair cause I’m big enough to use two-handed weapons now and he knows that but he never lets me join..”  
  
As Tommy continued to talk about his Cousin Dream, the boy across from him stared in disbelief, his face a mix of incredulous and scared. He was regretting ever addressing Tommy.  
  
When they arrived at the school, that boy was the first off. Tommy had a confused expression on his face as he disembarked.  
  
“Do you think it was the electric eel story?’ he asked Tubbo, who shrugged.  
  
“Nah, I think he was just in a hurry to get to class, that story is hilarious.” said Wilbur from behind them. “Remember, meet us at the front of the school cause Phil wants to pick us up today.”  
  
“Come on Tommy, we gotta get good seats!” Tubbo tugged Tommy towards their first class, math.  
  
“I hope they don’t do what we did the first day.. even though that kid deserved it.” Techno grinned. “Hey has your cult ever sacrificed live animals to you?”

~~

Tommy raised his hand.  
  
“Yes Tommy?” Mrs. Hazel said.  
  
“When do we learn how to remove peoples organs?”  
  
“...we...don’t…?”  
  
“I thought this was science class?”  
  
“It is Tommy, but removing organs would be a doctors job, not yours, ok? Please promise me you won’t do that.”  
  
“Must be a thing for the higher grades.” Tommy whispered to Tubbo, who nodded solemnly.  
  
Mrs. Hazel watched them for the rest of class. 

~~

“Run faster kids! I know you can!” the PE teacher called, blowing his whistle to punctuate his sentence. The herd of kids in front of him sped up for a second, then slowed back to their previous pace.  
  
“Where are the rabid dogs do you think?” Tubbo asked Tommy, jogging lightly. “He’s just using that whistle for motivation but it isn’t even high enough to shatter the eardrums, how is that motivating?”  
  
“Dunno big man, maybe he doesn’t wanna use them on the first day? It’s public funding, he probably has a budget.” Tubbo ‘aha’d’ at that.  
  
When the group finished running, they immediately started a game of kickball. Tommy convinced the pitcher to attach Tommy’s knife to the ball, for a little spice. The teacher was busy on the phone with a lady, so they managed to get in five rounds before someone got stabbed.  
  
The ensuing screaming caught the teachers attention pretty quickly.  
  
Tommy tried to tell them not to pull the knife out, but they were weirdly hysterical and his advice was ignored.  
  
“It’s like she’s never gotten stabbed before.” he commented to Tubbo, who was trying to give the girl his backpack bandages.

~~

When they were finally allowed to go to lunch, Wilbur and Techno started interrogating them as soon as they sat down. They seemed unimpressed with Tommy’s knifeball.  
  
“You broke Phil’s rule before you even got to lunch! New record for even you.”  
  
“He said no death, it was only a light stab wound!” Tommy complained, unpacking his sandwich.  
  
“Well..I think the javelin might’ve gone a bit deeper than the knife, remember?” Tubbo reminded him. Tommy lit up and began regaling their brothers with the second incident from PE.  
  
Wilbur face-palmed, while Techno looked intrigued. Before they knew it, lunch was ending and the bell was ringing. This time, Tubbo and Tommy split, Tubbo heading for art, while Tommy went to the computer lab. Their schedules had gotten messed up, so they had the two classes on opposite days of each other.  
  
Once settled into his seat, Tubbo observed his surroundings. The classroom was on the second floor, allowing a lot of windows and natural light since the shrubs weren’t blocking the glass. The teacher was a woman, with white hair and colorful overalls.  
  
“You can call me Miss Puffy!” she told the class. “And today we’re gonna start with some coloring, just to get us in the zone.”  
  
She passed out some paper, each with a different drawing on it. Tubbo received one with a pirate captain on it, much to his amusement. Phil had been a pirate once.  
  
Coloring was more fun than he’d thought it would be, especially when he got a hold of the red marker so he could make his picture more realistic. It was looking pretty good by the time the bell rang, so he approached Miss Puffy’s desk before leaving, presenting her with his coloring page.  
  
“Oh! Tubbo, let me see-” she paused for a moment, face alarmed. “Well, you certainly are creative, that’s uh, a very realistic, uh, cannon injury! You know, why don’t I just keep that here, it’s so good!”  
  
Tubbo beamed at her, easily relinquishing his hold on the paper and wandering out of the room to find Tommy for their next class. Miss Puffy put her head in her hands as soon as he was gone.  
  
“I’m never having kids.”

~~

_Meanwhile in Tommy’s class…_  
“-and this is how you get past the government firewalls. You can always tell if they’ve had Fred fix them, cause he has a signature. He’s Tubbo’s favorite, cause they both tried to steal the nukes one time, that was a funny day, Phil was so happy that Tubbo had found a weapon he was passionate about, bit of a late bloomer he is-”  


~~

At three on the dot, the four brothers met up at the front entrance. Techno was holding a bloody bag, which the others didn’t ask about, and Wilbur was sizzling faintly.  
  
“You alright there Wil?” Tommy inquired.  
  
“Huh? Oh, yeah just had an accident with my latest poison experiment. I think it’s making me allergic to sunlight?”  
  
“Pog!” “Pog!” Tubbo and Tommy both exclaimed, in synch. “Jinx!” “Jinx!”  
  
Before they could break out into a dual, Phil’s familiar black car pulled up. The window rolled down to reveal Phil and Cousin Ranboo.  
  
“Hop in kids! We’re going shopping!”  
  
“Greenhouse again?” Techno asked as he threw their bags in the back and piled in with the others.  
  
“I’m out of belladonna, because someone has been snacking on it at night.”  
  
Wilbur hummed and looked out the window. “Wonder who’d do that.”  
  
Phil sighed and shook his head. “It’s like they think I’m stupid.”  
  
With a squeal of the tires, they took off, Cousin Ranboo almost losing his memory book out the window from the sudden acceleration.  
  
Back on the sidewalk, two teachers looked at each other with wide eyes.  
  
“Were they driving a hearse?”  
  
“Do those things even have seatbelts?”

~~

After an eventful trip to the greenhouse, the family made their way home. It was time for family dinner.  
  
Inside the great hall, which was where dinners were had since there were usually more people, Phil had strung lights. On the chandeliers, he’d hung carefully fashioned nooses, an item that always reminded them of Wilbur’s eighth birthday. The tablecloth had been scrubbed free of bloodstains, and the bread guillotine had been brought out.  
  
“Is it a special occasion?” Tommy asked. The bread guillotine wasn’t brought out for just any dinner.  
  
Techno shoved him. “Dude, Cousin Dream and George and Sapnap are coming over.”  
  
Tommy made an ‘oohh’ face, then smacked himself. “I gotta get my stuff ready! He promised I could hunt em this time!”  
  
Tubbo clapped his hands and followed as Tommy ran off to his room. Wilbur and Techno stayed behind, deciding to help Cousin Ranboo and Phil in the kitchen.  
  
Soon enough the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of the other cousins. Dream, George, and Sapnap lived close by, but rarely visited, as they were all busy with ‘important work’ as they liked to call it. Personally, Tommy thought they were experimenting with inter-dimensional travel in an attempt to get Sapnap’s friend Karl back. But he was just guessing.  
  
With a loud shout, Techno greeted their guests at the door, by lunging for Cousin Dream’s head with a fire poker. The blob man simply sunk into himself, a trick he utilized quite often while at the Minecraft’s house.  
  
The other two abandoned Dream to his fate, going to the kitchen to join the rest of the people. Wilbur was finishing up his last batch of poisoned cookies, a recipe he’d gotten from Niki, the nice girl down the street.  
  
They chatted in the kitchen for a while, to the sounds of fighting coming from the foyer. At some point, Tommy joined in, identified by his yell of “DIE BLOB MAN”. Eventually though, it was time for supper, so Phil stuck his head in and threw a shoe, hitting Tommy in the forehead, as he was trapped in a headlock by Techno, Dream hanging from the chandelier.  
  
“Dinner time boys, put away the murder.”  
  
“Coming Phil.” they chorused.  
  
Tommy took his seat next to Tubbo, immediately launching into a play by play of what had just occurred for him. Techno sat next to Wilbur, kicking him in the leg as he sat down, and the cousins sat together, with Cousin Ranboo in the middle. Phil, at the head of the table, surveyed them all with a smile. They would have to invite the other side of the family some time, it’d been so long since they’d all met up.  
  
Once the eating was under way, Phil passed out the newest wanted posters he’d collected. Everyone ‘oooh’d’ and ‘ahhhh’d’ at them, especially the one of Techno where he was wearing a masquerade mask.  
  
“Murder mystery party,” he explained. “They didn’t catch me.”  
  
“Oi Tubbo, ‘ow do I look in this one?”  
  
“That one’s great, look at this one! They drew me with a bee!”  
  
“Why though..”  
  
“Maybe they thought he needed a pet.” Wilbur shrugged. “Look at this one, they really upped the crazy in my eyes.”  
  
“Do you still have that coat?” Phil questioned. Wilbur shook his head.  
  
With a snort, George woke up from where he’d fallen asleep in the potatoes. Dream slapped him on the back.  
  
“Just in time Gogy, lookit this poster of Techno and tell him he looks stupid.”  
  
Farther down the table, Sapnap cackled as he lit the poster he was holding on fire. “Tommy your face burns beautifully!” he called down the table.  
  
Tommy grabbed a butter knife and jumped on the table, headed straight for the arsonist. Cousin Ranboo barely saved his memory book from his stomping, busy writing down which towns he was wanted in.  
  
Phil leaned back in his chair, content to watch Tommy go for Sapnap. Beside him, a scuffle broke out as Wilbur kicked Techno in the ankle bone, while Tubbo and Cousin Ranboo conversed about their days. Dream had started drawing on George’s face, since he’d fallen right back asleep, this time on the table.  
  
Family dinners were never boring with the Minecrafts, that was for sure. He wondered what they were like with their relatives, the Addams family. Probably just as chaotic.  
  
Phil’s peaceful thoughts were interrupted by a knife, which was only prevented from entering his face by his fast reflexes. Down the table, Sapnap and Tommy had frozen, Tommy with a hand outstretched from throwing the knife, Sapnap with a bottle of gasoline in his hand.  
  
Phil grinned. “Oh it is so on mate.”

**Author's Note:**

> hahahahaha i read this once #neverbetaed 
> 
> Um. I am actually working on something more serious, but my motivation is flaky so cross your fingers! I have actual notes about it, hopefully I write it! lol
> 
> I'm going to cry because i think i switched tenses while writing again. Why do i do this
> 
> Did anyone get the reference i made near the end.
> 
> this is like completely plotless but i needed it out of my head. did anyone else not remember that Addams had two D's?


End file.
